I am the prize in Admiral Ackbar Cereal!

Well its been a while.

2008-10-04T02:23:00.002-05:00

I feel like all my blog posts are me saying itsbeen a while. And its true. So here's some ground rules. I'll post whenever I want, grammer is not important and spelling even less so. Chelephants should be revered. Thanks to all of you who view this thing cause I havnt posted in a while yet still get visitors. So ya I'll think of something to post whne I'm not so tired.

Time for more about Chelephants.

2008-05-11T15:37:00.002-05:00

So I've been gone for a while, there is a strict reason for this. Chelephants, the legend is slowly being uncovered. New evidence shows that this legend is indeed about a Chelephant, one so large it would dwarf anything known to man. Some ancient civilizations called it god, others the devil, but all understood its horrible power.

Back from injuries

2008-05-06T21:40:00.005-05:00

So Hans is mad that I havnt posted in a while, and just for that no Chelephants. Maybe a little Ted Danson though.

I will throw the pimp excuse out there though. So in a fit of rage prolly brought on by either bitchin sunglasses or meds I'm not sure Paige decided to punch me square in the shoulderblade. It didnt really hurt, it just shocked me so much I couldnt post for days.

So I had the AP Stats test today... I'm just gonna throw out there ACCDBECCDABBBBBAA DAMNIT I HATE THESE TESTS! PIMP SMASH!

Chelephants ready to move on

2008-05-02T00:51:00.002-05:00

The newborn chelephants just under 2 weeks of life are now ready to fend for themselves as their mothers are probably dead, or otherwise its mating season already and well that takes priority. So the young chelephants begin to feast on the flesh of dead animals. They become scavengers. This is useful because they dont yet have the ability to run fast or tusks so they just eat the meat of things already dead.

More on the Legend, so the legend goes, in the beginning there was nothing and nothing began to re-arrange itself into something... thats all I got tonight.

On a side note ironman was bomb.

Its been too long

2008-04-30T23:12:00.004-05:00

It really has been too long I mean I got home from the bank days ago. So I thought today I would post about something new.

So just to start off prom was this saturday and it was fun although it was like a giant sauna. which I dont get, the school says dont have sex at prom, then they give us a giant room that makes us all sweaty and gives us dance songs that require an ass to crotch dancing position and then are baffled when suzie comes back to school next year the size of a moon.

So I thought that our talk about conditioning the mind against doing things you dont like interesting in psych today. Apparantly Cripple who unfortunatly got sick from mountain dew and can no longer drink it was conditioned not to drink that kind of pop. While surfers that get attacked by sharks find surfing to much fun to quit, so instead of vomiting at drinking a certain pop they just start to bleed out of their ears whenever they see a shark.

On a happier note, Santa's been trying to lose weight this year and is keeping the snow down here. GET BACK TO THE NORTH POLE WHERE THE FUCKING SNOW AND JOLLIES BELONG OLD MAN!

It am Legend

2008-04-24T16:48:00.003-05:00

Figure that logic out. I just thought I would share a little known legend of the early world, which was quickly taken out of all religious text for its great controversy. The details are a bit fuzzy, but I will continue to do my research. Legend speaks of a beast of great speed that is of great size, unfortunatly the rest is up to speculation and I dont want to mislead anyone. I believe that maybe just maybe the legend speaks of a Chelephant.

ITS A... WTF?

2008-04-23T23:45:00.004-05:00

WTF is right. Chelephants are born genderless. And the first one was born today. 900 lbs. 6 oz. 24 L. A healthy size, the mother unfortunatly died to far from the cliffs for this baby to get its share of lemmings. So instead it shall feed its 20 pounds of fat. Chelephants have a much slower metabolic rate than humans do so they can go much longer without eating and conserve fat much easier. Back to the gender thing, Chelephants are born genderless and pick a gender for one of three reasons, they need to for mating, they want to, or natural pressures outside of mating. Also Chelephants can sometimes take on an almost human appearance, more on that later.

Badasstic stays!

2008-04-22T21:29:00.002-05:00

BADASSTIC STAYS! I've decided after sitting around and playing wow. That the casualty of saying the wrong thing isnt worth bouncing the entire word. SO it stays! Chelephants are now into 31 hours of labor and its going great, only 30% died before they could give birth. MUCH better than last year. You may be asking how Chelephants survive if more die every year, well Chelephants are notorious for multiple children at birth, kinda like cats. Largest on record is 19 Chelephant babies from one mother, she actually did not die also. Remember Chelephants get huge when they are preggers so they can be mistaken for mountains, or other things.

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

2008-04-21T21:36:00.004-05:00

Thats right spring has sprung! and you all know what that means! THE LEMMINGS MUST DIE! THATS RIGHT IN JUST A MATTER OF DAYS THE CHELEPHANTS WILL HAVE GIVEN BIRTH! After a 13 year gestation period the miracle of birth is sweet relief for the Chelephant. The Chelephant is born the size of a hippo. It then feeds on Lemmings jumping down cliffs straight into their mouths. It makes for an easy time on the mother who more than likely will die in child birth.

All of this is also heightened by the fact that I am now free of Best Buy. And, ya thats right I started my sentence with and, but ya and I saw Santana last night, in concert not like on the street or anything. It was amazing!

Chelephants are catching on!

2008-04-18T10:04:00.003-05:00

Chelephants are catching on! Oh ya I just used the title as the first sentence.

Since chelephants are catching on I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say a few things. THEY ARE ALL MINE! You heard me. Plus there's no way they would get approved at their current stage for US roads. Gotta get em in Europe first, everything goes in Europe. Plus with the ever popular "smart car" finally coming to the US. It has been receiving some mixed reviews and I'm sure will go down in infamy along with many other ill fated cars.

As such I am afraid they will be ill received in the US and will need to be tested in Europe. Although I am low on cash, especially since my soon to be enacted separation from the Tyrant known as Best Buy. See an odd resemblance? Oh but I digress, since I am low on cash I am going to do some spot testing with some stand ins, much like Smart Car did.

LET THE KILLING BEGIN!

2008-04-16T22:36:00.003-05:00

assassins have begun, a time of paranoia, drinking and death. Also maybe some lude moments in there too. Anything in the name of shooting a soon to be ex-friend in the face with a rubber tipped nerf gun. My favorite is waiting for the day when your target has put on a nice shirt and some makeup, spending hours in the process, only to be gunned down with 5 gallons of pure wet. Ruining that designer skirt and pounds of makeup. Oh the glorious fun of pushing the law to its very limit. Paying people to do your dirty work, and possibly getting your hands dirty by calling that government employed uncle who can get you address, work address, phone numbers, criminal records, social security number the works. Oh this year of pointless time wasted on a game filled with lost dreams and glorious rewards for two or three people while Carl Peaslee laughs at you while whiping his ass with all those ten dollar bills you paid him. Ted Danson would be proud.

Chelephants- The Dark Months

2008-04-15T22:24:00.006-05:00

So some of you may have been wondering where the Chelephants have gone to. I thought this a good time to get a little more into the anatomy of the elusive chelephant. They did not die from poachers. They go into hibernation or more accurately torpor, from the dates of February 9th to April 21st. That's right in only 6 days the Chelephants will awaken from their many dark months, to a bright world where everyone is just a little bit happier. The Chelephants feed on this happiness and decide its time to mate. Next time we will get into young Chelephants from first steps to feasting on lemmings.

Hobo Cool

2008-04-14T23:28:00.003-05:00

So I figured there cannot be good without evil, thus there cannot be fancy warm without hobo cool. The reasoning behind this is because hobo's have evolved beyond becoming cold, they can only ever become cool. This is due to a thick layering of dirt secreted from being hobos, also they have built up a hefty padding of newspaper. This one baffles me because I know they arent buying that newspaper, maybe hobos can produce it deep in their cores. After all hobos have to leave feelings behind and because of this they dont need much room for a heart. This leads me to believe that a new organ has evolved that secretes things that heat their body, leaving them never cold and just cool. Until we can capture the elusive Ted Danson and research him further many of these questions will go unanswered.

Why CarrotTop ruined America

2008-04-13T21:29:00.003-05:00

OK well he was in one scrubs but that's the only good thing he's ever done... ever. He's annoying, loud and shaped like a shrubbery. I can only pray that my kids do not turn out like that or I will consider myself a larger failure then Ted Danson.

Hans!

2008-04-10T10:39:00.003-05:00

Hans has been good to me. He mentions me in his blog frequently, he also has linked me in his blog. Also if you scroll down on his blog you will notice a side bar with my newest posts so you can always stay on top of what I'm posting.

Pimp out

Why Nils became Snails

2008-04-10T10:28:00.004-05:00

Dr. Franke did his Phd. thesis on snails. Nils' name just needs an S and an A, thus Dr. Franke in his full swing ADD mode stopped his lecture to tell us about Snails.

Badasstic

2008-04-09T10:43:00.002-05:00

This is along the lines of fancy warm. Its fantastic and Badass mixed into one glorious word. You have to be very careful when you say it though. Some people seem to think I'm finishing it off with dick, which is unfortunate and was an unforeseen problem when I made up the word. So its still under deep consideration.

My retardedly nippleless absence

2008-04-09T10:40:00.003-05:00

so I havn't posted in a while, and I'm gonna throw that one in the corner of being lazy. That and I didn't want Mr Fuhr reading about Menzies getting raped and nipples. Personally I find it great reading but I'm not so sure that something I was supposed to use for photography should have nipple posts. BUT I'm done with photography now so I can post all I want about nipples and the like.

Fancy Warm

2008-03-07T10:15:00.002-06:00

So fancy people always have a fireplace going, its just indisputable. So when you are warm enough that is equivalent to sitting next to a fireplace you are thus fancy warm.

Why Batman enhanced America

2008-03-06T09:49:00.003-06:00

So to start off the Chelephant has hit a snag, apparently you aren't legally supposed to take scrapings of an elephant from the zoo. I'll keep you posted, I'm currently working with Putin and he likes the idea of war Chelephants.

So Batman, he's a white man that can kick some serious ass dressed in a black cape. No super powers just gadgets, labeled gadgets. Everything in his Batcave is labeled, no expense was spared during the original tapings to label even a magnifying glass that it was in fact a magnifying glass.

Also Adam West, probably the most all American Actor of all time, not only is he willing to wear tights and kick ass, but also has entered the cartoon world as mayor of Family Guy. Thats just bad ass.

Also Christian Bale, have you seen that bad ass English man? He became American JUST for Batman, think about that totally made up fact for a second.

The one downside to the new movies, no nipples. Why would they take the nipples off of Batman's costume? They only added to the illusion of badassery, not only that but now Batman is missing out on countless "is it just me or is it cold out here" jokes.

Star Trek ruined America

2008-02-27T17:15:00.005-06:00

Today a breakthrough, I figured out that Chelephants weren't finished, they needed one more thing, jet propulsion. First Bionic Half-Cheetah Half- Elephant ever.

On a side note Star Trek is now taking responsibility for Cell Phones, so instead of banning cell phones I say just ban Star Trek, would solve a lot of problems all at once. Think about a world without Star Trek, no Trekies bothering you, Boston Legal would actually be good without Bill, the only thing I would miss would be the endless Priceline commercials. Not only that but if there were no cell phones instead of texting we could use smoke signals or better yet pass notes, and if you ever wanted to pass notes between class I could start a note passing business where remote control cars and planes would be used to pass notes the 21st century way instead of texting the 24th century way. Plus no Star Trek Would be cheaper than bagging and tagging cell phones cause we all know our school can't afford those zip lock bags, they are expensive. So I say we use third party, Sip Shut, our school supports the SS! its cheaper cause you don't pay for the locking or the Z, its the most expensive letter of the alphabet.

BTW letter of the day, or till I get around to posting again is Z for Zip Lock.

Question of the day.

2008-02-19T11:07:00.003-06:00

How is it possible to be raped 2 and a half times?

Only Sam Menzies would know. Being an avid rapee, it would be prudent to go ask him. I dont think i will. That would require hard work and lots of writing. So we'll take the shortcut and do what every good liberal reporter does, make stuff up.

We are gonna say that menzies was raped by 2 full grown men and someone like michael jackson who's only still half human, so Sam was technically half anal probed by aliens as well.

Ode to Chelephant.

2008-02-08T09:36:00.000-06:00

I have a dream to one day be able to ride an elephant to work.

I have a dream that the elephant will get better mileage than the Toyota Prius.

I have a dream that advances in genetic engineering will let me make this elephant run faster than a cheetah. I'll call it a Chelephant.

I have a dream that little kids wont ever drop their bouncy blue balls into the road in fear of getting run over by my Chelephant.